Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Dear T.O.:

We saw this on www.foryouto.com and could not resist running it here with the mention of the website:

Dear TO,

All I want is for the Eagles to win the Super Bowl. Before you came, the Eagles couldn't even get to the Super Bowl. Then you came, and we were the best Eagles team I had ever seen. We got to the Super Bowl and almost won. You were awesome! I decided that with just a little more practice this year, we could win it all.
But then my dad told me that you might not be on the team anymore. I was really upset and cried. Then I watched the news and saw that you were crying too! This made me cry even more! You said you needed to feed your family. I asked my mom if maybe we could help feed your family so that you would stop crying and help us win the Super Bowl. My mom told me that the Eagles gave you over 9 million dollars last year and that you can afford to buy your own food. I told her that you were crying and maybe you had spent it all already. She told me you were going to get 3 million more doll! ars this year. I asked her how much a hot dog costs. That's my favorite food! She told me they were 25 cents unless you buy them from the Eagles in which case they cost 5 dollars. I asked if she thought you could afford to buy enough hot dogs to feed your family and she said "Oh yeah", but not in a normal way, she said "Oh yeah" in the way she says it when I ask her if I have to go to school or take a bath. I hate baths! I asked her how many hot dogs you could buy and she told me to figure it out myself. I had to get my calculator to do it and the answer was 12 million hot dogs! That's a lot of hot dogs! But then I was thinking mayb e you buy your hot dogs from the Eagles in which case they cost 5 dollars. So then I was thinking maybe you had more than 12 million people in your family. Do you? We have 4. 5 if you count my turtle. His name is Donovan McTurtle.
Then I saw you doing sit-ups in front of a mall. My dad told me that it was your house. So I asked my dad if 12 million people could fit in that house and he said "probably". That's when I realized that Eagles were being selfish and that the Eagles need to give you more money so that you can feed your entire family. And maybe they should make their hot dogs cheaper too. I thought this would help other people too because sometimes I eat a hot dog when my dad takes me to see you play.
But then I decided that maybe I could just start saving my hot dogs for you and that way I could help you feed all 12 million people in your family. So the other night when my mom made hot dogs, I sneaked 2 halves up to my room and put them in a drawer. But then I realized it would take me a very very very very very long time to have 12 million hot dogs and so I needed to get other people to help. So then I went around my neighborhood and asked people for hot dogs for you. But I got tired of telling them the whole story so I came up with a slogan that I ! thought might help everyone understand the situation. Then I tried to put the slogan on a shirt. At first the slogan was "For You T.O." but I didn't have enuff room for all of that so I just took the first letter of the "For" and just made the "You" a "U", which is funny because that's the way I always used to think it was spelled! So now my shirt says F.U.T.O!
I showed my dad the shirt and he laffed. He said it really got the message across. He said he knew lots of people that would wear that shirt. So that gave me another idea which was to try to sell the shirt itself! Which was a great idea because then I could just give the money to you to buy hot dogs for your humongous starving family that lives in a mall.

All for you TO!

F.U.T.O! Yours Truly

9 Comments:

At 1:44 PM, Blogger OgO32 said...

Hey kid,

Ask your parents if you were an NFL player would they support you playing for free for the Eagles because you love them so much and want a Super Bowl? Or better yet, ask them if they would want you to take a considerably less amount of money so your team could win?

Or better yet, ask them how much money should you negotiate to play a professional sport (with hopes of winning a championship) in which you are among the elite players, and your projected career span is about 10 years? Oh, and your boss rakes in about 400 million dollars every 2-3 years at least in revenue from fans, TV deals to showcase the sports, endorsements from the jersey with your name on it and for fielding a competitive team?

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

 
At 1:47 PM, Blogger OgO32 said...

I sincerely believe most of you eagles fans (I'm just fair weather because the Lions sucked for so long), can't see the forest for the trees.

Don't make the same mistake we made in fielding such a terrible team then letting Barry slip away. He was only arond for about 10 years.

And you guys have a much better team than Detroit.

 
At 1:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

One of the funniest blog entries I've read in a long time. Thank you.

 
At 12:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The letter is an obvious parody of a children's letter. If you think a kid actually wrote it, you're a jackass.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste

 
At 8:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perfect. Finally, through all of this madness, someone makes sense.

 
At 8:39 AM, Blogger OgO32 said...

Anusymous ... No du'h! I knew it wasn't real ...

 
At 2:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ogo32...YOU, MY FRIEND, (scratch that, you are NOT any friend of mine), ARE A HUGE IDIOT!!!
Nothing left to do, but bash an Eagles blog??
GO BACK TO DETROIT HOOD W/ THE REST OF THE LOSERS!!!!
T.O. is a megalomaniacal schmuck!!!
(You're just a schmuck!!!)

 
At 1:26 PM, Blogger shameonskins said...

The "schmucks" are the people who think athletes need to just be greatful and not mindful. Go back and read ogo32. I try to be "mindful" of the fact that the OWNERS are billionares who profit off of the fanatic support the "public" gives to individual players. Who makes the money? The hot dog vendor,popcorn salemen,T-Shirt Vendors,t.v. exec's, I could go on and on. So, Terrell sign a bad contract. Fix it Mr.Billionare Owner. Don't take advantage of the player just because his agent had flaws. Do what's right..pay the man what he's worth and stop looking like Master vs Slave. Regardless of how uncomfortable you may be with that analogyt people seem to think it's popular to villianize the young black athletes while we let the owners off the hook. It's blantant ignorance with a little racism. IMHO.

 
At 12:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why does race always has to enter the discussion, huh???

 

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